i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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