i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
