Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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