I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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