That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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