Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
