I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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