Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i dont even know how to be here
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
