If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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