i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
