We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You pole danced in your parka.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
