420 ftw
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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