I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
