my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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