if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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