there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
