I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
