I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
