I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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