ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
