I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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