I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize