I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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