Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
