I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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