just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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