I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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