Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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