I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
