It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
