Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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