I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
