he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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