drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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