Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I could make wine with my vomit
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
