You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
