Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
