WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
