Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
