my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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