Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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