There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
