I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
