This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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