You're my little dorito
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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