just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
