I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
