Betty ford says i'm here all night
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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