i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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