Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
