You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
