I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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