as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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