TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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