I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
