i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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