I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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