we're chasing vodka with high fives
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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