Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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