i jhust puked up my retainher.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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