Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
