I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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