I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
