I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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