let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
