Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Tornado booty call.. dedication
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'd cum for enchiladas.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
