hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I want to fling myself into the sun
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
