How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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