no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
