i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize