So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
