Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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